You Know You’re a Fig Grower When...

Rigo   •   29 Jul 2025   •   296

You know you're a fig grower when you’ve explained what breba means more times than you’ve said “good morning” to your neighbors. Your browser history is 80% fig forums, 10% fig cuttings on eBay, and 10% questions like “Is it illegal to bring a fig tree on a plane?”

You know you're a fig grower when your family thinks you're running a secret nursery in the backyard, and honestly, they might be right. Every bucket, pot, and plastic tote within a 20-mile radius now has a fig in it. And no, you won’t throw away that cracked pot—it’s “seasoned.”

Your garage smells faintly of rooting hormone, and you treat perlite like some people treat glitter: it’s everywhere and no one knows how it got there. There’s a grow light in your laundry room. There are grow bags under your bed. You’ve accepted that your friends will never understand your excitement over a swelling fig eye.

You know you’re a fig grower when the post office clerk greets you with, “Another cutting delivery?” and your UPS driver handles your packages like they’re holding a newborn. And when a rare fig cutting is in transit, you’re refreshing the tracking page like a day trader watching the stock market.

You have a mental map of who’s growing what. You know who’s trialing that rare Italian strain and who’s hoarding a stash of Black Madeira UC. You say things like “That’s a Craven’s Craving strain, not a true Preto,” and expect people to know what you mean. Spoiler: they don’t.

Your phone’s camera roll is 90% close-ups of fig leaves and swelling nodes. You’ve taken tasting notes in the rain, named a tree after your grandma, and maybe cried when a fig dropped before ripening. You’ve stood in your orchard with sticky hands, laughing like a mad scientist after tasting your first perfectly ripe fig of the season.

And when you talk about “collecting,” it’s not coins or stamps—it’s figs. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. Each one with a story, a history, a flavor you’re chasing. Because at the end of the day, fig growing isn’t just a hobby—it’s a lifestyle. It’s something that digs into your soul and takes root.

So if any of this sounds like you—welcome. You’re among fig friends. We may be a little obsessive, but at least we’re fruitfully obsessed.